There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
