Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
