Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
