I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
