she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Moan for me like Helen Keller
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
