There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
