is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
