This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
