wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
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