New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
