there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize