I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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