my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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