evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
