Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
he fucked my hip out of place.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
