She is in my trunk
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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