I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
