i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
