I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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