You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
