She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
