Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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