I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
She bit a glass in half.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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