you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
