I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize