A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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