Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
