just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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