What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
