I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
