so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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