What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I wish i was in the wii world.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
We smell like vodka and hangover
the raccoons are back...
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