I could make wine with my vomit
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
