pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
