just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
