i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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