He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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