cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
