Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Randomize
