Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
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