It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
