He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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