I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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