i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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