Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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