she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize