Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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