I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
