He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
