Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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