He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
