theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
