sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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