can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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