the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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