I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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