Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
