Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
