omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
