How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
