dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
