so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize