he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
