come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
