five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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