hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
