you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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