like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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