The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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