I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
