How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
