I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
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