I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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