Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
