guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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