Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
