Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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