so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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