Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
