you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
