i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
