and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
