I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
