Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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