Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
the condom got lost in my hair
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
