Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
