Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
