two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
