Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Randomize
