So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
