Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize