capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
is wine microwaveable?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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