I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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