You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
