i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
