all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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