im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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