EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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