Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
