I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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