I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize
