Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
