i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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