I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize