so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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