guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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