I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Is Oprah even human
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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