i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
